Monday, July 21, 2014

Counting Hours


                Recent steps forward include a good practice last week, and me really looking forward to practice again tomorrow evening. Last Thursday, there were two other girls brand-spankin’ new to derby, like myself (named Sara and Amanda). Plus we were fortunate enough to have a huge amount of people there- about 21 ladies on skates, including trainers, and one woman from Turn Two Skate Shop in Maine! It was really fun to skate with girls on my level, and to have so many experienced women to generously give us direction. We practiced single knee falls, standing on one foot, pre-transition stepping to turn around 180°, and then that pre-transition stepping 360°.

            We also practiced double knee falls, or as I like to think of this particular maneuver, “The Rockstar,” since you’re supposed to be leaning back with knees and legs wide apart so you don’t accidentally stick your skate up your butt. (If you’re into that, more power to you, but I think derby is the wrong environment for intentional insertion.) I am really, really bad at these. Plus I (while the other new girls were getting their feet wet) started to try to put one foot out in front of the other to try to aim towards crossovers. I am really bad at these, but possibly not as bad at these as I am at the double knee falls. I think it’ll take a few more weeks to master these skills, but I look forward to trying again soon, and at least getting my first unintentional crossover fall out of the way.

            I feel like that’s always a step for me. I’m going to fall a lot, on purpose and by accident. Most of the new things I learn, I will eventually fall down while I’m doing. I kind of want to get all of my first falls out of the way to help reduce the "fear" of falling. Like with everything else derby-skills-related, it will all happen in time and with effort. For example, I feel like I wasn’t sore enough after this derby practice, and so I’d like to make more of an effort to stay lower when I’m in stance tomorrow. I will definitely spend at least a little time this week on those crossover pre-steps, and on those double knee falls.

There were also a few girls there taking their [insert scary music here] Level One Assessments. Big congratulations to them, as everyone I saw was working hard, staying low, and keeping their heads in the game! It was great to get a sneak peek at the real skills I’m working towards. Crossovers, toe stops, jumps and hops- if I wanted the skills extravaganza, I certainly came to the right practice.

            I can’t go backwards yet. This might seem pretty “duh” to everyone, but it looks so fun, and I keep feeling impatient about it. At least I can plow stop now. I can’t T-stop yet- but using plow stops, at my second practice ever I was able to stop for the first time, on purpose, and without hitting the floor or wall. I mean, I’m still like a baby giraffe up on those things, but I have to give it time. (Remind me if you see me getting frustrated with myself out there.) The other week, I was so sore after practice that I couldn't walk up and down the stairs except sideways clutching the railing like an elderly woman, for two days. There's got to be an in-between- sore enough to know I worked hard, and yet still capable of engaging in my everyday activities.
           I think I'm much more prepared for my discomfort now, at least. During the skating, it's my lower back, my entire "Tramp Stamp" area. After? It's pretty much everything, back and legs. I think once I get the hang of engaging my core more, it'll be the abs, too. But I have tiger balm, Aleve, Advil, Tylenol, lavender-scented Epsom salts, and peas in the freezer. Bring it, body.

           On a significantly more downer note. I debated about whether or not to discuss this but I want to be as honest as possible about my experience and where I am on my derby journey. I mentioned in my last post that I’m out of shape. I did not include detail, but I am overweight, and not insignificantly so. While I know health and fitness are long-term goals, I still had a rough end of the week, when I hopped on my scale and had basically gained ten pounds. Yes, I know, it’s most likely me building thigh muscle; muscle is heavier than fat; the muscle will help boost my metabolism in the long run by helping me burn more calories.

            But that doesn’t change the feeling I get when I see the number on the scale. That doesn’t change the way my heart drops and I get discouraged. Shaking it off and getting my head back in the game does not come naturally to me. It takes effort, and more than that, it takes a conscious choice every day. I am making that choice for myself today, and I can tell you, I'm more than likely to make it tomorrow. I just really want to see myself making that choice next week, if/when it happens again and I'm feeling disheartened.

            I don’t want to exercise myself out like crazy today and head into derby tomorrow already too sore. So I am going to be patient so that tomorrow night I can kick my butt on skates for as many of those three hours as I can make it to. It’s another crappy night where I have to leave right from work just to make it onto skates at all. I wish this were easier- but at least, having practice Tuesday means I can go to adult skate on Thursday near my house, and log more hours on the track. I wish myself luck...

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Popping my Derby Cherry

By Freshmeat Sonya, Special to Journey of a Freshie

One fateful Saturday evening, after five months of friendly urging and insatiable curiosity, I drove down directly from work to see my friend play in the first bout I ever saw, for the Bloody Bordens. I went intending to watch Hexy (Surreal Hexy Chaos) all evening. Lucky for me, her husband (Al Jynx U) was not being a zebra that evening, and he was able to explain what was going on to me. I had a lot of questions, and although I tried to keep my eyes on my friend, my attention was glued to the jammer almost every time. Something inside my brain awoke to the realization that I, too, wanted to be a part of this.

By the following weekend, I had done enough research to see that New Hampshire Roller Derby's (NHRD) Millyard Misfits practiced closest to where I live of all the leagues in my area. I tried to tell myself that maybe if I was still interested in a month, and if the schedule would fit into my work schedule, I would consider signing up. Then I threw logic, scheduling, and caution to the wind, and I sent the first fateful e-mail about beginning my derby journey. I got all my gear (after consulting with Hexy for suggestions and having Chiff from Urban Mayhem in Manchester help size/direct me), and I attended my first practice.

Contact-eligible Misfits practice pack drills at the NHRD warehouse
To wet my feet I got on my R3s once, the day before practice. So I showed up to the Misfits a little sore already. I was frustrated with myself every time I had to take a break, both independently and at practice. I am a very stubborn person- I just want to be good at this, already! But my lower back has other ideas. Seriously, sometimes it's like the entire tramp-stamp area of my back is on fire, and I have to stop, even when the rest of my wants to keep going.

I will be the first to admit, I'm out of shape. I don't like working out, I never have; I don't like sweating, or breathing heavy, or feeling tired and sore. But even by myself, before I'd met a single Misfit or trainer, I realized that after just a little while, even if I wasn't good on the skates, and I fall down constantly, and even if my back and feet were sore, some part of me felt good. It’s a very independent feeling. There aren't many places I can go where I don't feel weirdly paranoid, like people are watching me in a negative and judgmental way, but the benefits to being new are that I don't feel obligated to prove anything to anyone. Even practicing on my own has a unique feeling to it, like I’m somehow flipping off everybody else on the track; I only care about what I’m doing out there.

The strategy I've been using so far to help combat my frustration is to remind myself that I need to take it one step at a time, to not get ahead of myself. Derby society has been incredibly welcoming and open to me so far; even just going out for drinks with Hexy's gang after her bout, it was obvious to me that the people who do derby are doing it for the right reasons (i.e. themselves and nobody else). I think it's only realistic for me to try to take it slow- try to give myself at least two days a week on wheels, to begin, and maybe reassess in a few months where I’d like to take derby from there in my life.

I've been slow and selective about who among my non-derby friends I've told. (I haven't even really told my mother yet, for example, and we're pretty close.) I don't like to go back on the things I say and I don’t want to be too open to anyone’s criticism until I’m actually ready for it. I want to give myself freedom if I keep going and this doesn't wind up being for me, too. Despite my hesitance, the most popular response from my friends, by far, is that everyone seems to believe I’ll be a perfect fit. While it doesn't really matter what others think, it’s nice to have some kind of validation from somewhere familiar that yes, taking this step might really be taking one step closer to finding out where I belong right now in my life.

The biggest question I've been asked so far is something I feel is pretty heavy: “What's your Derby name? Do you have a name picked out yet?” Honoring my personal commandment to take it slow, I refuse to announce anything yet. I want to put in the work. I need to make myself keep working hard, possibly harder in a physical way on a consistent basis than I ever have before. For the record, I have an idea about what I'd like, but I don't want to set anything in stone, at least until I'm considering Level 1 Assessment. And I'd like to think everyone already knows, but I feel a need to add, this is not a dig: if someone comes in, guns a-blazing, and they are ready to go from the first moment, then I want the best for them, and for them to be addressed by our derby community however they feel most comfortable. For me? I need to keep pushing myself, to keep earning things for myself. And my identity is a big part of my journey. I will pick up the mantle when I'm ready.

So much of the time in the rest of my life, I feel like I’m not good at things. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good at anything I do. But the truth is I do have some talents, and some natural traits that can be both advantages and disadvantages: as I mentioned, I'm stubborn, and on the negative side, I tend to hold grudges. On the positive side, however, I've committed myself to at least trying my best at something new. I don't want to speculate too far into the future. I want to look at the next step I'm taking on the path that I'm on. Here's to hoping that I can let go of the grudges I've held against myself and my own abilities, and not let anything hold me back.


So what's next? Tomorrow, I go up to Bruised Boutique in Nashua, NH to pick myself up some outdoor wheels, before heading over to adult skate at Skateland in Bradford. Sunday, I'll break in my outdoor wheels and skate with Hexy for the first time. Tonight? I go to my second Misfits practice and try to spend at least an hour doing what I'm told and kicking my own butt in the process. Maybe I’ll see you there sometime soon.

If you would like to write about your freshmeat experience for Journey of a Freshie, email Helen Carnate at helencarnate (at) gmail (dot) com!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Journey of a Freshie Lives Again?

So back in the stone age (January 2010) when I was freshmeat with NH Roller Derby (NHRD) I decided to start a blog about my experience called "Journey of a Freshie". After every practice, good or bad, I would write down how things went, how I felt, where I had successes, and where I had failures. When I did this I had no idea how far it would reach. I had views and comments from all over the world with suggestions, words of encouragement, etc.

When I stopped skating in the spring of 2011 (couldn't make the time commitment with a new house and job and we had no rec team at the time) I stopped making posts on the blog. I would continue to get the occasional comments from people which I thought was kind of cool. Before I went to D1 Richmond last year I sort of semi-converted it to an announcing blog but left all the original posts.

Don't worry... I'm getting to the point!

There's nothing quite like some nice, tender fresh meat!
At the East Coast Derby Extravaganza (ECDX) in Philly this past weekend I was sitting out at the ONE picnic table where I could get service and a skater in a blue jersey came up to me. She asked if I had a freshmeat blog a few years ago that had sort of turned into an announcing blog and I said, "Yep, that sounds like me!" She told me that my posts were one of the things that helped her mentally make it through freshmeat with her league in Delaware. She said that it made her feel so much better to know that there were other people out there with the exact same struggles that she had, even if she felt like she was the only one on her league with them.

That really warmed up deep down in the cockles of my heart, maybe in the sub-cockle area, maybe in the kidney... maybe in the liver... I just don't know (bonus points if you get the reference). Anyhoo... that got me thinking that I don't have much to say about announcing these days that would warrant a blog post and if I did I'd probably post it through the NHRD blog.

SO... that being said, I'm thinking about resurrecting "Journey of a Freshie" with some contributing freshies from all over the place who are interested in writing regularly (once every week or two) about the trials and tribulations, the highs and lows of going from the start(ish) all the way through as far in their derby career they want to go. I'd delete/rehome my announcing posts and redo the theme of the blog to return it to its roots.

Here is the link to the blog: http://journeyofafreshie.blogspot.com/ I'd recommend reading in reverse order from 2010 to see what sort of stuff my posts were about. Very mundane stuff but apparently quite a few people like reading about those every day derby experiences!

If you are interested in becoming a contributor, please email me at helencarnate (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks bunches!
~Helen Carnate
NH Roller Derby