Counting Hours

                Recent steps forward include a good practice last week, and me really looking forward to practice again tomorrow evening. Last Thursday, there were two other girls brand-spankin’ new to derby, like myself (named Sara and Amanda). Plus we were fortunate enough to have a huge amount of people there- about 21 ladies on skates, including trainers, and one woman from Turn Two Skate Shop in Maine! It was really fun to skate with girls on my level, and to have so many experienced women to generously give us direction. We practiced single knee falls, standing on one foot, pre-transition stepping to turn around 180°, and then that pre-transition stepping 360°.

            We also practiced double knee falls, or as I like to think of this particular maneuver, “The Rockstar,” since you’re supposed to be leaning back with knees and legs wide apart so you don’t accidentally stick your skate up your butt. (If you’re into that, more power to you, but I think derby is the wrong environment for intentional insertion.) I am really, really bad at these. Plus I (while the other new girls were getting their feet wet) started to try to put one foot out in front of the other to try to aim towards crossovers. I am really bad at these, but possibly not as bad at these as I am at the double knee falls. I think it’ll take a few more weeks to master these skills, but I look forward to trying again soon, and at least getting my first unintentional crossover fall out of the way.

            I feel like that’s always a step for me. I’m going to fall a lot, on purpose and by accident. Most of the new things I learn, I will eventually fall down while I’m doing. I kind of want to get all of my first falls out of the way to help reduce the "fear" of falling. Like with everything else derby-skills-related, it will all happen in time and with effort. For example, I feel like I wasn’t sore enough after this derby practice, and so I’d like to make more of an effort to stay lower when I’m in stance tomorrow. I will definitely spend at least a little time this week on those crossover pre-steps, and on those double knee falls.

There were also a few girls there taking their [insert scary music here] Level One Assessments. Big congratulations to them, as everyone I saw was working hard, staying low, and keeping their heads in the game! It was great to get a sneak peek at the real skills I’m working towards. Crossovers, toe stops, jumps and hops- if I wanted the skills extravaganza, I certainly came to the right practice.

            I can’t go backwards yet. This might seem pretty “duh” to everyone, but it looks so fun, and I keep feeling impatient about it. At least I can plow stop now. I can’t T-stop yet- but using plow stops, at my second practice ever I was able to stop for the first time, on purpose, and without hitting the floor or wall. I mean, I’m still like a baby giraffe up on those things, but I have to give it time. (Remind me if you see me getting frustrated with myself out there.) The other week, I was so sore after practice that I couldn't walk up and down the stairs except sideways clutching the railing like an elderly woman, for two days. There's got to be an in-between- sore enough to know I worked hard, and yet still capable of engaging in my everyday activities.

           I think I'm much more prepared for my discomfort now, at least. During the skating, it's my lower back, my entire "Tramp Stamp" area. After? It's pretty much everything, back and legs. I think once I get the hang of engaging my core more, it'll be the abs, too. But I have tiger balm, Aleve, Advil, Tylenol, lavender-scented Epsom salts, and peas in the freezer. Bring it, body.

           On a significantly more downer note. I debated about whether or not to discuss this but I want to be as honest as possible about my experience and where I am on my derby journey. I mentioned in my last post that I’m out of shape. I did not include detail, but I am overweight, and not insignificantly so. While I know health and fitness are long-term goals, I still had a rough end of the week, when I hopped on my scale and had basically gained ten pounds. Yes, I know, it’s most likely me building thigh muscle; muscle is heavier than fat; the muscle will help boost my metabolism in the long run by helping me burn more calories.

            But that doesn’t change the feeling I get when I see the number on the scale. That doesn’t change the way my heart drops and I get discouraged. Shaking it off and getting my head back in the game does not come naturally to me. It takes effort, and more than that, it takes a conscious choice every day. I am making that choice for myself today, and I can tell you, I'm more than likely to make it tomorrow. I just really want to see myself making that choice next week, if/when it happens again and I'm feeling disheartened.

            I don’t want to exercise myself out like crazy today and head into derby tomorrow already too sore. So I am going to be patient so that tomorrow night I can kick my butt on skates for as many of those three hours as I can make it to. It’s another crappy night where I have to leave right from work just to make it onto skates at all. I wish this were easier- but at least, having practice Tuesday means I can go to adult skate on Thursday near my house, and log more hours on the track. I wish myself luck...

Popping my Derby Cherry

By Freshmeat Sonya, Special to Journey of a Freshie

One fateful Saturday evening, after five months of friendly urging and insatiable curiosity, I drove down directly from work to see my friend play in the first bout I ever saw, for the Bloody Bordens. I went intending to watch Hexy (Surreal Hexy Chaos) all evening. Lucky for me, her husband (Al Jynx U) was not being a zebra that evening, and he was able to explain what was going on to me. I had a lot of questions, and although I tried to keep my eyes on my friend, my attention was glued to the jammer almost every time. Something inside my brain awoke to the realization that I, too, wanted to be a part of this.

By the following weekend, I had done enough research to see that New Hampshire Roller Derby's (NHRD) Millyard Misfits practiced closest to where I live of all the leagues in my area. I tried to tell myself that maybe if I was still interested in a month, and if the schedule would fit into my work schedule, I would consider signing up. Then I threw logic, scheduling, and caution to the wind, and I sent the first fateful e-mail about beginning my derby journey. I got all my gear (after consulting with Hexy for suggestions and having Chiff from Urban Mayhem in Manchester help size/direct me), and I attended my first practice.

Contact-eligible Misfits practice pack drills at the NHRD warehouse

To wet my feet I got on my R3s once, the day before practice. So I showed up to the Misfits a little sore already. I was frustrated with myself every time I had to take a break, both independently and at practice. I am a very stubborn person- I just want to be good at this, already! But my lower back has other ideas. Seriously, sometimes it's like the entire tramp-stamp area of my back is on fire, and I have to stop, even when the rest of my wants to keep going.

I will be the first to admit, I'm out of shape. I don't like working out, I never have; I don't like sweating, or breathing heavy, or feeling tired and sore. But even by myself, before I'd met a single Misfit or trainer, I realized that after just a little while, even if I wasn't good on the skates, and I fall down constantly, and even if my back and feet were sore, some part of me felt good. It’s a very independent feeling. There aren't many places I can go where I don't feel weirdly paranoid, like people are watching me in a negative and judgmental way, but the benefits to being new are that I don't feel obligated to prove anything to anyone. Even practicing on my own has a unique feeling to it, like I’m somehow flipping off everybody else on the track; I only care about what I’m doing out there.

The strategy I've been using so far to help combat my frustration is to remind myself that I need to take it one step at a time, to not get ahead of myself. Derby society has been incredibly welcoming and open to me so far; even just going out for drinks with Hexy's gang after her bout, it was obvious to me that the people who do derby are doing it for the right reasons (i.e. themselves and nobody else). I think it's only realistic for me to try to take it slow- try to give myself at least two days a week on wheels, to begin, and maybe reassess in a few months where I’d like to take derby from there in my life.

I've been slow and selective about who among my non-derby friends I've told. (I haven't even really told my mother yet, for example, and we're pretty close.) I don't like to go back on the things I say and I don’t want to be too open to anyone’s criticism until I’m actually ready for it. I want to give myself freedom if I keep going and this doesn't wind up being for me, too. Despite my hesitance, the most popular response from my friends, by far, is that everyone seems to believe I’ll be a perfect fit. While it doesn't really matter what others think, it’s nice to have some kind of validation from somewhere familiar that yes, taking this step might really be taking one step closer to finding out where I belong right now in my life.

The biggest question I've been asked so far is something I feel is pretty heavy: “What's your Derby name? Do you have a name picked out yet?” Honoring my personal commandment to take it slow, I refuse to announce anything yet. I want to put in the work. I need to make myself keep working hard, possibly harder in a physical way on a consistent basis than I ever have before. For the record, I have an idea about what I'd like, but I don't want to set anything in stone, at least until I'm considering Level 1 Assessment. And I'd like to think everyone already knows, but I feel a need to add, this is not a dig: if someone comes in, guns a-blazing, and they are ready to go from the first moment, then I want the best for them, and for them to be addressed by our derby community however they feel most comfortable. For me? I need to keep pushing myself, to keep earning things for myself. And my identity is a big part of my journey. I will pick up the mantle when I'm ready.

So much of the time in the rest of my life, I feel like I’m not good at things. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good at anything I do. But the truth is I do have some talents, and some natural traits that can be both advantages and disadvantages: as I mentioned, I'm stubborn, and on the negative side, I tend to hold grudges. On the positive side, however, I've committed myself to at least trying my best at something new. I don't want to speculate too far into the future. I want to look at the next step I'm taking on the path that I'm on. Here's to hoping that I can let go of the grudges I've held against myself and my own abilities, and not let anything hold me back.


So what's next? Tomorrow, I go up to Bruised Boutique in Nashua, NH to pick myself up some outdoor wheels, before heading over to adult skate at Skateland in Bradford. Sunday, I'll break in my outdoor wheels and skate with Hexy for the first time. Tonight? I go to my second Misfits practice and try to spend at least an hour doing what I'm told and kicking my own butt in the process. Maybe I’ll see you there sometime soon.

If you would like to write about your freshmeat experience for Journey of a Freshie, email Helen Carnate at helencarnate (at) gmail (dot) com!

Journey of a Freshie Lives Again?

So back in the stone age (January 2010) when I was freshmeat with NH Roller Derby (NHRD) I decided to start a blog about my experience called "Journey of a Freshie". After every practice, good or bad, I would write down how things went, how I felt, where I had successes, and where I had failures. When I did this I had no idea how far it would reach. I had views and comments from all over the world with suggestions, words of encouragement, etc.

When I stopped skating in the spring of 2011 (couldn't make the time commitment with a new house and job and we had no rec team at the time) I stopped making posts on the blog. I would continue to get the occasional comments from people which I thought was kind of cool. Before I went to D1 Richmond last year I sort of semi-converted it to an announcing blog but left all the original posts.

Don't worry... I'm getting to the point!

There's nothing quite like some nice, tender fresh meat!

At the East Coast Derby Extravaganza (ECDX) in Philly this past weekend I was sitting out at the ONE picnic table where I could get service and a skater in a blue jersey came up to me. She asked if I had a freshmeat blog a few years ago that had sort of turned into an announcing blog and I said, "Yep, that sounds like me!" She told me that my posts were one of the things that helped her mentally make it through freshmeat with her league in Delaware. She said that it made her feel so much better to know that there were other people out there with the exact same struggles that she had, even if she felt like she was the only one on her league with them.

That really warmed up deep down in the cockles of my heart, maybe in the sub-cockle area, maybe in the kidney... maybe in the liver... I just don't know (bonus points if you get the reference). Anyhoo... that got me thinking that I don't have much to say about announcing these days that would warrant a blog post and if I did I'd probably post it through the NHRD blog.

SO... that being said, I'm thinking about resurrecting "Journey of a Freshie" with some contributing freshies from all over the place who are interested in writing regularly (once every week or two) about the trials and tribulations, the highs and lows of going from the start(ish) all the way through as far in their derby career they want to go. I'd delete/rehome my announcing posts and redo the theme of the blog to return it to its roots.

Here is the link to the blog: http://journeyofafreshie.blogspot.com/ I'd recommend reading in reverse order from 2010 to see what sort of stuff my posts were about. Very mundane stuff but apparently quite a few people like reading about those every day derby experiences!

If you are interested in becoming a contributor, please email me at helencarnate (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks bunches!

~Helen Carnate

NH Roller Derby 

Less than Three the Freshie Mama

It occurred to me tonight that NHRD's freshie mama and freshie coaching staff don't always get the love and attention they deserve. Bettie Off Dead is a bouting-retired skater who spends 100% of her time with us freshies training us to be the best level ones we can be. We also <3 Vicious but as an active member of Skate Free or Die!, she needs to have her own practice time too!

Bettie and Vicious train all of us, from the freshies who can barely stand up in their skates to the freshies who could probably pass level twos if they were given right away. They are super patient and if explaining things one way doesn't work, they turn things around and explain them differently.

While they get to give people the good news that freshies have passed their level ones, they also have to give some freshies the bad news that there are a few things that we still need to work on. Excuse the double negative but we don't not pass because they don't like us, rather, they like us so much that they don't want us to get our sternums mashed in until we're stable enough to take the hit. Sometimes that can fall out of focus. Assessments are there to keep us and the skaters around us safe!

The most awesome thing about Bettie and Vicious is that they never give up on people. After telling me (after I asked) on Thursday that I probably won't pass she says to me tonight at Recruitment Night that if there's the opportunity at practice tomorrow she wants to watch me zip around the outside of the track to work on my crossovers during hitting drills that I can't participate in anyway. She also offered to possibly come down from Manchester to practice with me at Roby on Tuesday night.

She's still gunning for me to pass on Wednesday. <3 Bettie. She made the little invisible wings attached to my heart flutter with hope tonight.

If you are an NHRD freshie and you are reading this, post it to your status (JK... I hate those things on Facebook). But seriously, if you are a current, former, or future NHRD freshie and <3 Bettie and Vicious too, please post some love here for them to read. :-)

Round 2... ding ding!

Has it been three months already? Apparently so as our next freshie class began their amazing derby adventure last night. I still remember my first day vividly (no, I didn't read my first post to refresh my memory) - being late because I got wrapped up watching Lost; the 45 minutes of off-skates plyo that kicked my butt soundly; falling down and not being able to get up again.

I saw myself in some of those freshies. I saw the frustration at not being "better". I saw the nervousness. I saw the determination. I saw the desire to consume every piece of derby information they could get their minds on. It was awesome and definitely put a lot of things in perspective.

There were four of us skating last night that have not passed our level 1 assessments yet. We were asked to participate with the freshie classes rather than skate with the league. At first it might seem like a step back. Yes, I know how to plow stop, T-stop, knee-slide, etc. It never hurts to practice more in a controlled, observed environment though.

I have to say that skating with the freshies helped put what progress I've made in perspective. Three months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. Three months ago I was where they are now, only knowing about derby what I'd managed to voraciously read.

I executed my slides (*LOVE* the new kneepads) and toe-stops with ease. Ease that I did not have three months ago. We did a very slow paceline drill. I used sticky skates the entire time. Three months ago I didn't know what sticky skating was. I tried to give encouragement to the girls who were falling. Three months ago I fell and couldn't get off the floor - even with Hazel and Bettie helping.

I heard that our attendance person tracked 70 people for attendance last night. Ho. Lee. Crap. There were 16 new girls last night - enough to make their own team! As was with the case with my class, the infusion of fresh meat (pun intended) really energized everyone from old stinky meat to slightly less than fresh meat. It was wonderful to see!

Going at a slower pace in drills also allowed me to concentrate more on what the heck is going on with my feet. I noticed during the pace line drill that I have to apply quite a bit of force to my skates to get the trucks to turn. Because my skates are so big on my feet my feet were actually pronating in my skates (tipping to the inside) and getting stuck that way.

I tried to shake my foot out while skating so it would shift back into proper position and when I stepped back down my wheels became totally tangled. I took a big header into the middle of the track right on my shoulder. I think I turtled up appropriately but the act of turtling jammed my right shoulder into my jaw making me see stars and giving me a sore neck today.

EDIT Hazel reminded me about a sentence I was going to write and spaced it. I plan to loosen up my trucks another 1/4 turn at open skate this weekend. It'll be an interesting experience getting the new skates adjusted when they arrive! /EDIT

I'm trying not to let the poorly fitting skates be an excuse for crappy performance but I can't WAIT to get my new ones. If the gentleman from Riedell had his lead times straight I'll hopefully be getting a call from Dee at the Bruised Boutique during the latter half of next week. SQUEE!

This Saturday is the NHRD season kick-off party at Penuche's in Nashua. I will be there from at least 3-9, maybe later depending on how I feel. I hope the day is BEAUTIFUL! I'm making a HUGE sign out of some cardboard that Kenya gave me and will be camped out on Main and Canal waving at people in my derby gear.

I hope to see you there and at our home season opener bout on 4/24 at 6pm. It's the Skate Free or Die! All-Stars vs. the Ironbound Maidens of Garden State and the Queen City Cherry Bombs vs. the Petticoat Punishers of Central Mass.

A pint down...

I gave blood for the very first time today and it didn't involve a skate to the face or a toothpick-sized splinter. Today NHRD sponsored a blood drive with the American Red Cross of Manchester, NH.

I had tried to give blood once before while I was in the Army but was turned away because they couldn't find a suitable vein. They may have been onto something because it took my 19 minutes to fill my little bag of blood (the ARC worker said that it normally takes 7-12 minutes).

I had done my homework in advance. I popped multi-vitamins, ate lots of spinach and red meat (I know, twist my arm, right?) and tried to drink lots of water. I passed all the screening questions, though I was nervous that they would chuck me out because Mr. Carnate is from the other side of the pond.

They sat me down in a lovely lawn chair where I proceeded to relax while two technicians poked around both of my arms. In the end, it took a very patient tech to hold the needle at a precise angle to get things to flow at a reasonable speed.

It was so great to see how all the women of NHRD came out for this. Although our goal had been 50 units, we racked up a total of 37 units and a couple of platelet donors. 12 of the 37 units came from NHRD skaters; many of whom, like me, were giving for the first time. I blame the absolutely GORGEOUS weather on the lack of donors.

After I had donated and recovered, Hearty and I took our bout date banner (which is ten kinds of awesome) down to the corner of Bridge and Mammoth in Manchester to wave at cars and try to attract some attention. Heart had brought her gear so she suited up. I think her hot pink helmet helped us get noticed.

We had lots of people waving back, honking, and smiling at us. After an hour or so I could tell when people were mouthing the words, "roller derby". I can only hope that some of those smiles, honks, and waves translate into warm backsides in the stands at JFK in April!

Tomorrow night is recruitment night. In contrast to how terrified I was for my first recruitment night, I am SO EXCITED about this one! It sounds like we'll have a ton of league members there to greet the 16 - yes that's S-I-X-T-E-E-N - potential freshies. My class had 10 and everyone thought THAT was huge!

I think the injection of fresh blood into the league will have a huge effect. I remember how energized everyone seemed when my class started, granted it was also the beginning of our first season affiliated with WFTDA as an Apprentice League!

It sounds like the Charities committee has some more blood drives lined up. I'm looking forward to donating again unless the techs run screaming from me! :-P